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Wednesday, August 31, 2016

So it’s been a while ...

I know ... I had started to write an entry several months ago on the 4 year anniversary of my fall and quite frankly it seemed too depressing so I never push “post”. You see pain does that to a person. It keeps you in your home locked away inside yourself. It keeps you on the couch and days and weeks slip away. It also makes being creative nearly impossible.

But ... while searching for the answers and trying to get to the root of my arm, neck, hand and nerve issues I found my own answers.  Apparently this mess needed some weeding out and eventually the long process of elimination would lead to results. I had grown tired of the waiting games, endless tests and appointments, the multiple suggestions of even more surgery, and let’s not forget when I almost slapped the guy who said “have you considered this is all in your head?” (Insert deep breath, dramatic pause and quick inner Zen attainment here!)  After I calmly assured him that no, the burning, tingling, and muscle pain that started at my neck ran through my shoulder and down my arm (let alone one ICE COLD HAND!) making sleepless nights an unwelcomed and nearly constant habit was indeed real, I left the office and took matters into my own hands. Google and I became good friends.

And even though I had mentioned Thoracic Outlet to the “powers that be” early on in this mess, my suggestions were dismissed – but I digress and resist the urge to call any of them all up and yell “I TOLD YOU SO!” I've realized that doctors don’t have all the answers, specialists often don't look beyond their specialties and in the end that I alone am my best health advocate. I read blogs and forums and ran across many that were in the same wobbly boat. When you know what feels right and go with that ... and then therapy started. And let me tell you Graston therapy is not fun.  Once a week now for the last 8 months I get twisted into a pretzel and implements of torture scrape away at my neck, arm and hand getting at the fascia that has had things in an ugly bind for far too long. I get pulled and flexed into positions and then must resist those moves in efforts to get that part of me back to what it used to be and before I can leave she most likely tapes me somewhere in hopes of relieving pressure and restoring blood flow.

After several months I couldn’t see much of a difference and though I momentarily may have lapsed back into states of depression and unbelievable frustration, I kept on. And then it happened.  I dropped things less.  My hand wasn’t cold as I typed.  I slept throughout the night and then ladies and gents ... for the first time IN FOUR YEARS I could sleep on my right side or on my back!  Not ONCE in four years could I do that post tumble.  And with more torture and some highly unpleasant cupping massages, the tingling in my hand started to disappear. The pinching in my elbow was all but gone.  The severe muscle pain in the forearm only lingered a bit after strenuous activity. The mess was working its way up and out of my arm.
(Said implements of torture ... and the one with the handlebars scraping down your side across your ribs I can assure you is NOT a pleasant experience!)

And that is where I am today.  The “torture” continues as we try to get the final awful shoulder and neck issues resolved but folks I sleep, I can paint for at least part of each day. Now sure, sometimes I become QUITE aware of my limitations while working and I have to be resolved to quit and walk away before I make things worse for myself. But I am working.  I am creating.  I am in the space that I love to be more than most anywhere and you cannot imagine how good that feels ...


Anonymous libby said...

I am so glad you are doing better! I have been checking your site about every week or so to see if you have posted anything.I have been missing seeing your work and hoping that you would feel like painting again. You're the best! Libby Lusk

Thu Sep 08, 06:18:00 PM CST  

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